I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
