There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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