I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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