He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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