I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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