mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if only i could text you this smell
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They are going to name an STD after you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
