my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
