i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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