His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
