i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
