I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
