in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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