Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
