I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
