i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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