What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
