Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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