I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
