don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
