I hate all girls vehemently.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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