I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
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