Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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