that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
