I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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