I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
