Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
