Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
