Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
