nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
