I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
