If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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