Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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