I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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