Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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