she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
