why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
