recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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