I heard we made out
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
