everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
