She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
