the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize