I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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