i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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