I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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