In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
