I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
