Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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