BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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