I'm going to jail i love you
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
