I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
