38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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