He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
