Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
