What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
