I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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