Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
