Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
