Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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