His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
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I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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