I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize