If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
