Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
