Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(807): View more from Ontario

discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.

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(310): View more from California

but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.

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(435): View more from Utah

it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.

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