So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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