Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
