I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
