i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
