May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
