Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
MIDGETS
????
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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