Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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