Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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