I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
