Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
me + whiskey = a bad person
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
