Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
