You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
