Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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