You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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