My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
