someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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