I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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