The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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