booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
