New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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